...and so, it got to work.

i let out a long sigh as my body began to feel more and more distant. it felt unlike me, it felt alien. my fingers started to tingle until they eventually disappeared from my mind completely, and it spread and spread all over my body, removing it cell by cell. first my arms, then my torso, then my legs, and finally my head. it then ripped out life from my body and put it aside.

it held my lifeless body at many points. lifeless, but not dead. each heartbeat and each draw of breath simply happened, for a soul not present. i stared at the body. i stared at its closed eyes unblinking. i stopped recognizing myself, yet i kept staring. i lost myself in its details and i found myself disgusted.

the body was no longer a body. it was no more than material to work with. flesh and bone and blood and skin and hair were no more than resources, and the line between them was blurred. it was no longer bound by the same rules as before, after all. ...and so, it got to work. and it was the worst agony i've ever experienced.

and it was the purest bliss i've ever experienced. i looked on in awe as the body i once called my own began to disassemble. limbs removed and molded together; bones seemingly broken, yet without a sound; face cleared and hollowed out; organs dissolved in themselves. it all came together to form a shapeless, formless, meaningless mass to function as a starting point. it was beautiful.

then it reversed. the broken down mass began to reform into something else. it was slowly putting on a different shape. a different color, a different kind, different mechanisms at work. while still vaguely humanoid, it did away with most concepts of a human body. most of it was made of one solid material, most of the body was homogeneous. it slowly took real shape. the concept of a face returned, though it was no longer the same. i stared at the new body. i stared at its closed eyes unblinking. i started recognizing myself. it was more and more 'me' as more progress was made, as more material from the surrounding environment was pulled in. progress was being made. my "flesh" undergoing rapid minor tweaks, my shape still changing ever so slightly, my composition being perfected.

i understood the purpose of this body: more than just a vessel i would like, this body would encapsulate the very essence of 'me'. the lone perfection point surrounded by valleys. any other 'vessel i would like' would be an inescapable false vacuum. this body was the lone perfection point metaphorically surrounded by nothing but noise and garbage data. the perfect idea of perfection thought to be unattainable. incomprehensible. unthinkable. but i had ways. i made sacrifices.

it held my lifeless body at many points. lifeless, but not dead. it was complete. and finally, the put aside life was added back.

a few moments of nothing. calm. quiet. nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel, and nothing to think about. i watched the lights for a few seconds.

*snap!*

i awoke on cold concrete, groggy. concrete? oh, right. i slowly got to my feet and looked around. the blood from the ground was fading. bits and pieces of the walls and ceiling and windows and other dusty objects both big and small were missing, as if removed. it was so dark outside. i should go home. i turned around and stepped over some debris and i went to exit the abandoned house i found as a reasonable place safe from all eyes. i twisted the doorknob. i saw my hands.

for the first time, i saw my own hands.